


Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal

by angrysoftboi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Pain Train, Ben's an asshole, Christmas, Confused ben solo, F/M, Fluff, He gets better i promise, Lactation Kink, Lawyer!Ben, Married Life, Reylo Baby, Reylo Christmas, at first, awkward family dinner, pregnant rey, pregnant smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2019-09-17 10:51:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16973211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrysoftboi/pseuds/angrysoftboi
Summary: “When Ben came to, he was laying in bed, curled around a softly snoring brunette. He didn’t remember how he got home, nevermind who the hell he was with. He must’ve been drunk. His women never stayed the night, and he never held them afterward. Upon closer inspection, she was also heavily pregnant.Christ. How drunk was he?The brunette in his arms turned to face him and Ben blinked.‘...Rey?’”Ben Solo thinks he has life figured out. What, with a paycheck big enough to feed Manhattan and a penthouse overlooking New York, he wanted for nothing.After a run in with a peculiar stranger, Ben is transported to an alternate reality where he was still together with his highschool sweetheart and they are expecting a child. Will seeing what could have been make him regret what he’s become?Family man AU.





	1. I Just Want To See My Baby, Standing Right Outside My Door

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all better not expose me for watching a Nicholas Cage movie, I swear to god.

**_Before:_ **

  


“I’ll be back before you know it, sweetheart. It’ll be like I never left.”

  


Rey sniffled and looked up at him with glassy, red-rimmed eyes, “I have a bad feeling about this ...Maybe you should just stay.”

  


“We have a plan, Rey.“ He assured, “A good one. It’s just one year in London, that’s all. I’ll write every day.”

  


She nodded, “I - I know, it’s just… I have a feeling that once you get on that plane…”

  


Ben kissed her lightly on the forehead, wrapping his arms around her middle in an attempt to comfort her, “No one ever thinks straight at the airport, sweetheart. Why don’t we just trust the decision we’ve already made? This will be good for us.”

  


The airport speakers  _ dinged  _ singsongly above them,  _ “This is a boarding call for flight three to London, Heathrow. We are now calling for zone two.” _

  


His embrace tightened before he stepped away and tipped up her chin for a kiss. Rey clutched his lapels, pulling him down to her level in order to deepen it, her fear apparent without words. He found it disconcerting. 

  


“I love you so much, Ben.”

  


He frowned, “I love you too, Rey.”

  


Then, he picked up his bags and boarded the plane.

  


That was that.

  


\------------------------------------

  


**_Now:_ **

  


Ben’s hands rested in his lap as he overlooked New york city from his office. It was blessedly silent, everyone had gone home to spend christmas with their families, save for him. He’d decided to spend the night working instead of celebrating, along with ignoring the notes his assistant had left about missed calls from his mother. Going home for the holidays just wasn’t in the time frame this year. Or last year. 

  


It made no difference to him, really, - how long he worked. His christmas present came with enough zeros to keep him content.

  


The sound of his phone ringing broke his momentary stupor, “Ben Solo speaking.”

  


“I expected you to be home by now, maybe with one of the girls I provided for you.” 

  


_ Snoke. _

  


“Mr. Snoke. What can I help you with, sir?”

  


Ben’s boss chuckled from the other end, “You work too hard, my boy. You can help me by getting some rest for tomorrow's case. We need you at your A-game.”

  


“Yes, sir.”

  


“Oh - And Ben?”

  


“Yes, sir?

  


“Take one of my girls with you. It relieves stress.”

  


\------------------------------------

  


“Yes - Yes!” 

  


Ben was balls deep in some blonde prostitute Snoke had insisted he bring home. He muttered a quick ‘shut the fuck up’ before pounding into her harder, simultaneously willing himself not to soften at the thought that his boss might’ve fucked this woman. He just wanted to get off and kick her to the curb so he could have a glass of whiskey and pass out. 

  


Ben groaned loudly as he came, quickly pulling out and spurting hot ropes on her back.

  


He rolled onto his back, never looking at the prostitutes face, “Clean yourself up and get out.”

  


\------------------------------------

  


His plans for the night were suddenly ruined, as he glared at his open liquor cabinet.

  


_ You’ve got to be fucking kidding. No whiskey. _

  


Blondie - Cierra? Meghan, maybe? - had gone at some point, leaving Ben alone in his massive penthouse. He took out his phone and dialed up his assistant, each ring leaving him more agitated.

  


“Mr. Solo?”

  


Ben cleared his throat, “Kaydel, I need you to run down to the liquor store and buy me a bottle of whiskey.”

  


“It’s christmas, sir.”

  


“And?”

  


“I - I’m with my family.” She stuttered.

  


Ben huffed and ended the call. 

  


_ Jesus fucking christ, I have to do everything myself. _

  


\------------------------------------

  


He’d needed to walk, too. His driver had  _ also _ ‘been with family’. In his opinion, it took quite a lot to make him angry, but by the time he was browsing through the different liquor brands, he was pretty fucking there.

  


The front door chimed open, and another man walked through, though much less sharp looking. His coat had holes and so did his shoes, and he was rubbing his hands together for warmth.

  


Ben watched him walk up to the counter, before turning his attention back to the whiskey. He could absentmindedly hear the conversation between the man and the store clerk get louder before there was a loud gasp. When Ben turned back, the clerk had a gun pointed at his face.

  


_ Holy shit. _

  


Ben picked up a bottle before walking slowly towards the two men, “Hey, man, put the gun down.”

  


The focus was shifted over to him and so was the gun. The wielder breathed heavily, “What the fuck do you want?”

  


Ben raised his hands, “Maybe we could help each other out.”

  


The man cocked his eyebrow, “...How?”

  


“I could buy that… hat? - From you, and you could earn some cash.”

  


“You want my  _ hat _ ?”

  


Ben nodded.

  


The man tucked his gun back into his jacket and grinned, “Okay.”

  


\------------------------------------

  


Both men were standing at the curb outside of the liquor store, Ben with his whiskey and  _ hat,  _ and the other man with a crisp hundred dollar bill.

  


Ben took out a cigarette, “What’s your name?”

  


“Poe. You?”

  


“Ben.”

  


Poe held out his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

  


Ben tucked his bottle under his armpit and met Poe’s hand for a shake, “You too, I guess.”

  


“So, Ben, what are you doing at a liquor store on christmas eve?”

  


Ben placed the cigarette between his lips and lit it, “Living the dream, Poe.”

  


“I hear you, man.”

  


Ben raised an eyebrow, “Yeah?”

  


“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit, Ben.” Poe scoffed, “Don’t go acting all high and mighty in your tailored suits, like you’ve got it all figured out.”

  


Ben scoffed back, “I  _ do _ have it all figured out.”

  


“You put this on yourself, then.”

  


\------------------------------------

  


When Ben came to, he was laying in bed, curled around a softly snoring brunette. He didn’t remember how he got home, nevermind who the hell he was with. He must’ve been drunk. His women never stayed the night, and he  _ never  _ held them afterward. Upon closer inspection, she was also heavily pregnant.

  


_ Christ. How drunk  _ **_was_ ** _ I? _

  


The brunette in his arms turned to face him and Ben blinked.

  


“...Rey?”


	2. Happy - Sad

I keep my distance  
But you still catch my eye   
Tell me, baby   
Do you recognize me?

\-  Last christmas - Wham!

 

\------------------------------------

 

_The brunette in his arms turned to face him and Ben blinked._

 

_“...Rey?”_

 

\------------------------------------

 

Rey hummed in acknowledgement but her eyes remained unopened

 

“Y - You’re here.” Ben stuttered, “And you’re _pregnant_.”.

 

She yawned, “Is that what it is? I was starting to worry I was just getting fat.”

 

“Who’s the father?”

 

Rey snorted, “ _Hilarious_.”

 

Ben rolled onto his back and rubbed a hand over his face, trying to assess the situation without panicking.

 

_People have one night stands with their exes all the time. No big. Women can get lonely over the holidays and I was just… keeping her company. I don’t even know if I actually slept with her, yet._

 

The only thing was; _his_ ex was pregnant.

 

And due to the fact - assuming they hadn’t slept together - that Ben and Rey hadn’t had sex since 2009, there was a good chance it wasn’t his kid.

 

“I need to go.”

 

Rey’s eyes popped open, “What?”

 

“Listen, I’m sure last night was… great,” Ben swung his legs around the side of the bed and Rey sat up, “And I get it, ya’ know?” He tugged on a pair of pants that were thrown on the floor and searched for his shirt, “‘Lonely on christmas, start thinking about what might’ve happened between us.” Ben pulled on a pair of socks and turned to face her, “But you’re… pregnant. So _this_ ,” He gestured between them, “Can’t happen again.”

 

Rey looked utterly perplexed. Her brows were furrowed and she squinted at him, “... _What_?”

 

Ben cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her forehead like he used to do, savoring what he thought would be his last moments with her, “Bye, Rey.”

 

“Wha - Ben!?”

 

But he was already rushing out the door and leaving Rey a stuttering mess behind him, unwilling to wait for the baby’s father to come home.

 

 _If he’s even in the picture_.

 

As much as he might’ve regretted losing her and wanted to give it another try, Ben was _not_ ready to be a father, even a surrogate. He snorted at the thought.

 

Rey and the baby were better off without him anyways. He would just fuck the kid up, like Han did with him.

 

Ben shut Rey’s front door behind him and looked around.

 

_Where the hell am I?_

 

He seemed to be in some suburban neighborhood that christmas threw up on, if  the decked out houses and lawns were anything to go by. It was the sort of place he would have wanted to live in as a kid. His childhood was all sterile floors and pristine gardens, nothing stimulating or out of place. But this neighborhood was fit for a child to grow in; to thrive in.

 

_Of course Rey would live here._

 

Rey had a very rough childhood, constantly bouncing from one foster home to another and never unpacking her bags. Sometimes, in the dead of night, they would plan their future together; how many kids they would have, how much better parents they’d make than their own, where they’d live.

 

And it looked exactly like this.

 

He was happy for her.

 

_Happy - sad._

 

\------------------------------------

 

After walking a few blocks, he was completely lost. For some reason, his driver’s contact information wasn’t listed in his phone, so he was wandering around aimlessly, hoping to catch a cab. _On christmas morning._

 

It left him alone with his thoughts, though.

 

_Who’s the father of Rey’s child?_

 

_Are they still together?_

 

_Did she cheat on him?_

 

_Why would she cheat on him?_

 

If he was a piece of shit or - god forbid - hurt Rey, Ben would have to kill him. No questions asked.

 

He was starting to wonder if he should go back to Rey’s house and ask her if he needed to kill the father of her child, when a shiny black bugatti pulled up beside him and rolled down the window.

 

Ben did a double take after looking inside, “Poe?”

 

The man in question grinned, “Hey there, pal. Need a ride?”

 

\------------------------------------

 

As it turned out, Poe was a _very_ irresponsible driver. Ben clutched the grab handle and tried to keep his insides _inside_ as they raced through the streets.

 

Poe turned to him for just a moment too long, and Ben also had to keep himself from yelling ‘ _EYES ON THE ROAD_ ’, “What’s a guy like you doing out here?”

 

 _If we’re playing that game_...“Where’d you get this car from?”

 

“I asked you first.”

 

“... Visiting family.”

 

Poe smirked, “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

 

Ben flushed and looked out the window.

 

_Wait a min - how would he know that!?_

 

“How did you know that?”

 

“I know a lot of things.” Poe said, rather ominously, “I know more than _you_ , Ben.”

 

Ben snorted, “How so?”

 

“I know that in _this_ universe you’re married and expecting a child with your high school sweetheart, Rey. I know that you’re still a lawyer, though much less respected in the field. I know that you have Dinner with your parents every Friday to make your wife happy and I also know the gender of your baby.” Poe winked, “I won’t spoil that for you, though.”

 

‘Are you… High?” Ben asked, “ Are you on something?”

 

“Just riding on the high of proving you wrong. Ask me what day it is, Ben.”

 

He was afraid to ask, “... What day is it?”

 

The car came to a halt at a stop light and Poe whipped out a newspaper from his pocket, flashing Ben the cover, “December seventeenth, Ben.”

 

“... What _year_ is it?”

 

“No, no. That’s not how this works. It’s still two-thousand-eighteen, but just in a different universe.”

 

The car zoomed off again, “Poe, Do you need... help, or something? You sound completely insane.”

 

“Believe what you want, Ben. We’re here.” The car stopped.

 

_Thank god._

 

Ben practically jumped out of the car, not wanting to spend a minute more in that death trap of a car with a crazy man.

 

The car window rolled down and Poe reached his hand out, a small, wrapped box in his grasp, “Give this to Rey, for her troubles.”

 

Ben grabbed the gift, “- Wait… _What_?”

 

When he looked back, Poe was already gone.

 

Then he realized; _he never gave Poe his address_.

 

Ben slowly turned around, to see he was standing back at Rey’s door.

 

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO WOO TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE WEEK  
> *i'm dying from stress i should literally be doing anything else*


	3. Crackpot

 

Someday soon we all will be together   
If the fates allow   
Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow   
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now

__

\- Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Judy Garland

 

_ \------------------------------------ _

 

_ Ben slowly turned around, to see he was standing back at Rey’s door. _

 

_ Fuck. _

 

\------------------------------------

 

He was sure as hell not going to stand outside in the freezing cold, so - like a complete crackpot - he knocked.

 

In his head, it seemed like the rational thing to do. Cold Ben - warm house. 

 

Stupid.

 

\------------------------------------

 

“How could you do something like that, Ben!?” Rey heaved another sob, “You wake us -” She gestured towards her swollen stomach, “- up in the wee hours of the morning, rambling on about god knows what, and then you up and leave! Not to be seen or heard from for hours! Do you know how humiliating it is calling your mother at eleven in the morning, asking if she knows where your are!?”

 

When Rey had opened the door, she’d practically leapt into his arms (as much as she was able with her pregnant belly), before doing a complete three sixty and bursting into tears.

 

Ben had lost his forte with crying  _ years _ ago, probably by the time he was on his fourth assistant, so he just stood there and took it, unsure of what else to do.

 

Rey sniffled and wiped tears from her face with the sleeve of her sweater, lowering her voice, “Where did you go?”

 

The anxiousness behind her tone made Ben recall her abandonment issues. It had taken him years to convince her that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he wouldn’t leave her like everyone else.

 

And then he did it anyway.

 

Rey was looking at him expectantly, obviously awaiting a reasonable explanation, of which he did  _ not _ have -  _ whatsoever _ . He was still trying to find a reasonable explanation for himself, nevermind finding one for  _ her _ . Up to his eyes in confusion and inexplicable guilt, Ben turned to his last option. The box.

 

He held it up to her, for some reason, possibly hoping it would serve as its own explanation or soften the blow.

 

Rey pinched the bridge of her nose, “You’re telling me that you left the house at  _ nine a.m _ to buy a  _ christmas present _ .”

 

He remembered reading somewhere that stress was bad for pregnant women, and seeing as this whole  _ situation _ was pretty fucking stressful, he went with it, “...Yes?”

 

To his utter shock, she  _ laughed. _ Watery and half-assed, but a laugh nonetheless, “You are an absolute arse, Benjamin Solo.”

 

_ Keep it rolling, Solo, _ he warned himself, “...Does it help if I say it’s for you?”

 

Rey smiled reluctantly and tucked herself into his arms, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. Granted, to her, it probably was. They were supposedly married.

 

But twenty four hours ago, Ben was one of New York’s most feared lawyers slash sought after bachelor. For him, it was weird.

 

Not  _ bad _ , just weird.

 

“You are so not off the hook.” Rey mumbled into the fabric of his sweater, “You’re also very lucky we have Finn’s party tonight, or I would have made you watch another birthing video with me as payback.”

 

“Rey... I’m not sure if going to a party is the best move for me right now.”

 

“Suit yourself.” She shrugged, ”If you’d rather watch a screaming woman push a full ass baby out of her vagina, that’s fine with me.”

 

“On second thought, I’ll come.”

 

Rey snorted, “You’d better be comfortable with the idea by the time this baby comes, Ben.”

 

He shuddered and prayed to god that he was back to  _ his _ reality before  _ that _ happened.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Rey gripped his arm tightly for support as she hobbled up Finn’s front steps, and Ben didn’t even want to ask himself why he found it endearing. 

 

Finn’s house was much like every other house on the street; pastel, traditional, and decked out to Wednesday. How these people got any sleep with red and green lights flashing through their windows, Ben had no idea.

 

Their host’s face lit up as soon as he opened the door, “Peanut!” He pulled both of them into the house and gave Rey a loose hug, mindful of the baby, “How’s peanut 2000 doing?”

 

Ben wasn’t even surprised when he’d learned that Finn was still a part of Rey’s life in this reality as well. The two of them had grown close in the foster system, and had made sure never to lose contact with each other, even after Rey got a scholarship to a private school in New York City, where Ben had met her. He was probably around long after Ben, too.

 

Rey grinned and removed her coat, “Still cookin’.”

 

She looked stunning, clad in a short sleeved burgundy dress, pregnant stomach protruding and making the fabric billow out around her.

 

_ Gorgeous as the day I met her. _

 

This universe’s Ben, if there even was one, was a lucky man.

 

He tried to ignore the next thought that passed through his head;

 

_ You could have had all this. _

 

\------------------------------------

 

Generic holiday music played throughout the room as Ben tried to make small talk with who he assumed to be his ‘friends’.

 

Rey had left him to fend for himself, tagging along with Finn into the kitchen after he’d mentioned christmas baking.  _ Some things never change _ .

 

A small hand slipped through his much larger one, “Come dance with me.”

 

_ Speak of the devil. _

 

He never  _ was _ able to say no to her;

 

“Lead the way.”

 

\------------------------------------

 

Rey’s head rested on his chest as they swayed softly to the music.

 

_ ‘ _ _ Have yourself a merry little Christmas _ _   
_ _ Let your heart be light _ _   
_ __ Next year all our troubles will be out of sight...’

 

“I love you, Ben.”

 

_ ‘...Someday soon we all will be together _ _   
_ _ If the fates allow...’ _

 

He hummed and decided on kissing the crown of her head instead of saying it back, afraid to ask himself if it was true.

 

_ ‘...So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.’ _

 

Even if it wasn’t, Ben was sure he was going to fall in love with this woman all over again, whether he liked it or not.

 

_ I’m so screwed. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we been knew


	4. It Was All Yellow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise, bitch. bet you thought you’d seen the last of me

So this is Christmas   
And what have you done

 

\- Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - John Lennon

 

\------------------------------------

 

Ben’s internal alarm clock woke him up at the same time it did every morning, six a.m. If he were in his penthouse, he’d be getting up to take a shower, so he could be be out of the building and at work by seven fifteen. Traffic in New York was brutal, so he always had his driver pick him up by six forty five.

 

… But he wasn’t in his penthouse. 

 

So he laid in the bed that Rey shared with him, staring up at the ceiling and listening to her snore.

 

There had been moments in the past twenty-four hours, where the utter domesticity and speed he was adjusting to it would freak him the _ fuck _ out.

 

That was one of those moments.

 

The night prior as well, for example.

 

After a few drinks (on his end), he and Rey had bid Finn and a few other guests goodnight, and walked back to their house. They had changed into their pyjamas, brushed their teeth side by side and fallen asleep the same way. And Ben didn’t even think twice about it.

 

Didn’t consider the fact that one day he might wake up in his own reality and feel all the more lonely for it, or the fact that there might be another Ben who was in an inverted situation, and desperate to get back to his pregnant wife.

 

Nevermind that, he’d  _ convinced _ himself there was another Ben, and that he  _ hated _ him.

 

Hated him for being everything Ben wasn’t, having everything he didn’t. Making all the right choices.

 

When an alarm finally did go off, Ben felt like he’d been awake for hours.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Work was… Terrible. Just awful. 

 

He’d forgotten what it was like to have people look down on him, and when he saw the look on that douche,  _ thanisson’s _ , face when he handed Ben his next case, he realized that he didn’t miss it. At all. He was a decade older than the kid, for god sakes. He was a decade older than his  _ boss. _

 

Ben groaned and rubbed the frown lines from his forehead, turning in his desk’s thirty dollar swivel chair and facing the framed picture of Rey and himself on his desk. He frowned at the smile on his face.  _ What did he have to be happy about here? Was she really worth all  _ **_this_ ** _? _

 

Ben heaved a sigh, searching through his desk drawers to give himself something to do. He smirked when he found a bottle of vodka.

 

_ Guess life’s not all sunshine and rainbows for the other guy. _

 

Small victories.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Ben couldn’t help but cringe as he locked the doors of his Volkswagen Jetta, standing next to it parked in the driveway and just… cringing. It wasn’t even a nice Jetta. It was old and beaten down. Hurt his eyes to look at.

 

He missed his corvette. It was black and shiny, and he didn’t even like cars that much, but he was never embarrassed to be seen in it. He smirked, Rey would get horny from just  _ looking _ at it.  _ She _ had a thing for cars. 

 

But no… it was just them and this fucking Jetta. It  _ had _ to bother Rey. In high school she would prattle on and on about the type of car she would get for herself when she graduated. She honest to god got wet when she talked about horsepower. And if the car she wanted just happened to be a shiny black corvette, Ben would swear on his dead dog’s grave that it was merely a coincidence he had one sitting in his garage.

 

He shook his head at their sad excuse for a car and headed inside the house, toeing off his shoes and wandering the halls; getting properly acquainted with the place. 

 

He paused at what looked like the nursery, painted yellow with different coloured accents around the room. It had nice lighting, with a DIY pane glass window- Rey’s talents, he was sure- and a small white crib right next to it. Only a few panes were tinted, and the light shining through them made the carpet look like it had blocks of blue and pink and green spattered over it. The mobile above the crib was a solar system and the blanket inside of it had little stars. He shivered as he looked down at it. That was where the baby would sleep. 

 

Rey interrupted his mild existential crisis, wrapping her front around his back, making him jump a little. How long had she been there? “Admiring your handy work?”

 

He could  _ feel  _ the baby pressing into him. He gulped, “...Yeah.”

 

Rey kissed his shoulder blade and fell into step beside him, rubbing a hand over her belly, “Should be any day now.” She drummed her stomach, “And then we’ll have a baby.”

 

They both stared at her stomach, their eyes each saying something different. Rey gazed with longing and excitement. All there was in Ben’s eyes was a growing panic.

 

Rey blinked and looked up, “Anyway, how was work?”

 

Ben’s eyes remained on her stomach and he shrugged silently. 

 

Rey gave his arm a comforting touch, “It’s okay to be scared, you know. I’m scared too” She looked back down, “This baby is going to come out of my  _ vagina _ . The biggest thing that’s ever been in  _ there, _ is you.” Her breathing quickened, and although her tone feigned a light, airy humour, Ben could tell she was panicking too. Rey quickly changed the subject, “What do you want for dinner?”

 

Ben shrugged again, “I’m good with anything.”

 

Rey smiled and caressed his arm as she left the room.

 

It was an hour before Ben followed suit.

 

\------------------------------------

 

The next few days at work were much of the same.

 

Ben tried to convince his colleagues to follow a few strategies he’d told them about, and they’d all looked at him like he was off his rocker. He wanted to shout  _ why do you think I get paid this much, you morons?!  _ But he didn’t, because everyone knew his current pay was less than adequate, and if he’d tried to convince him otherwise, that he was actually a wealthy New York lawyer living someone else’s life, he’d probably get himself locked up.

 

So he kept his mouth shut and his head down and he’d do his work. And then he’d drive himself home, glare daggers at the Jetta, walk into the house, take off his shoes and meet Rey in the kitchen for dinner.

 

He hated that he’d developed a system here, that he was adjusting to a life that wasn’t his because  _ fuck, I can’t settle for this, I need to find a way back! _

 

But then Rey would set a homemade chicken pot pie in front of him and hold his hand as he talked about the stresses of his job. She would kiss his lips and his cheek and the crown of his head and tell him it would get better. She would come rushing in from the other room with a beaming smile on her face squealing ‘the baby’s moving!’, and  _ holy shit, it  _ **_is_ ** _ moving, there’s something moving and living inside you and it’s ours but not mine. _

 

It was quite frustrating.  _ He  _ could be pregnant with all the mood swings he was having.

 

He was at an impasse.

 

\------------------------------------

 

The next day, Rey woke him up raining kisses over his cheeks and neck. He groaned wrapping his arms around her in a silent urge to  _ please go back to sleep, how did you get up at this god forsaken hour? _

 

She giggled and brushed a hand over the side of his face, “I’m too excited to sleep.”

 

Ben rubbed his eyes, because apparently they were up, “Excited?”

 

“Don’t play dumb, Ben. You get just as pumped for this as I do!” She lumbered out of bed and opened the wardrobe, revealing a small, black bag, “I’ve definitely topped you this year.”

 

Ben quirked an eyebrow in confusion and she quirked one right back, “What are you still lying in bed for?”

 

He open and closed his mouth, trying to find it in himself to ask her what the hell she was talking about, just because she looked so happy.

 

She frowned, “Don’t you remember? It- It’s our wedding anniversary.”

 

Really, if she had been in the know about his  _ situation,  _ she couldn’t have blamed him. _ How was he supposed to know their wedding anniversary if he wasn’t even there? _

 

But she wasn’t, and to her it looked like he’d forgotten. Tears filled her eyes and she turned back to the wardrobe, shutting the door softly and wiping the wetness away. She turned back to him and smiled, “No worries, work has been stressful.” She placed his gift on the edge of the bed, “I’ll go make breakfast.”

 

Ben scrubbed a hand over his face and heaved a sigh.  _ Fuck _ .

 

He turned his attention to the gift and began unwrapping it.

 

She’d gotten him a black leather watch with gold hands, and inside the glass was their baby’s sonogram.

 

_ Fuck. _

  
He needed to fix this.  _ Desperately _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all are the reason i’m listening to christmas music in march and honestly? i’m not mad
> 
> sorry this took like a million years but i’m going to try and get this one done   
> i have an actual outline for it and i think it’s going to be a good one :D


	5. The ‘L’ Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Zuko here.  
> Sorry for the huge delay! But!! I kind of have an excuse!  
> I got a puppy!:)) it kinda feels like taking care of a baby, if that baby were 5 times stupider. I love my dog, don’t get me wrong, but I shit you not, whilst writing this, she started eating a pot of dirt??? Like?? Ma’am??  
> Anywho, i hope you enjoy!

It's that time of year  
When the world falls in love  
Every song you hear  
Seems to say  
"Merry Christmas  
May your new year's dreams come true"

\- The Christmas Waltz - Frank Sinatra

 

\------------------------------------

 

By the end of work that day his desk top might as well have been a murder board. That is, if said murderer had a raging interest in pathetic anniversary salvations and New York restaurants on a budget.

 

He had narrowed his game plan down to three facts:

 

  1. Fact: A majority of pregnant women were not happy with their appearance. In order for the night to be a success, he’d needed Rey to see herself as he saw her.



Plan: Take Rey out to dinner and make her feel wanted.

 

  1. Fact: Rey needed to feel connected to him; needed him to reaffirm his feelings for her so she knew how much he cared.



Plan: Book a hotel room and dote on her. Possibly get laid (beside the  point).

  1. Fact: He needs to be forgiven by the end of the night. There was always the impending possibility that tomorrow he could wake up in his reality, and he couldn’t forgive himself if he fucked it up with her the second time around as well.



Plan: Give her the time of her life.

 

He leaned back in his chair and blew out a long breath. 

 

_ Game time. _

 

\------------------------------------

 

When he had scurried out of the house that morning, a promise of redemption on his lips, Ben had been completely bullshitting. But now, with a dress and flowers in one hand and corvette keys in the other, Ben was fairly confident in his plans.

 

He hadn’t had the financial means to actually go out and buy a corvette, obviously, but he  _ had _ gone out to the rental shop down the street and rented one out for the night; the cherry on top of his foolproof agenda. He had also stopped by a tux rental place, and the local maternity store to buy Rey an outfit, just in case. This night had to go perfectly.

 

Ben took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

 

Rey let him wait.

 

\------------------------------------

 

He would never forget the look on Rey’s face as her eyes darted passed him and towards the driveway, her whole face lighting up. After his assurance that no, he hadn’t wasted their savings on Rey’s favourite car, she had given him a large smooch on the cheek and snatched the dress from his hands, all to get into the vehicle as fast as humanly possible.

 

And now, as Rey thoroughly scanned the controls and gushed over every miniscule detail she found, they were headed to the big city, and one of Ben’s favourite restaurants,  _ Eleven Madison Park _ . Could they afford to eat there? Hell no, they couldn’t. But no expenses were to be spared.

 

This night had to go perfectly.

 

\------------------------------------

 

“Can we even afford to eat here?” Rey was leaned over the table, whispering so quietly it was if she thought every snobbish prat in here would be thoroughly scandalized by the question. Her tone held a secretive sort of amusement, like they were two beggars who had snuck their way into a banquet of wealthy aristocrats, instead of two paying adults.

 

Ben grinned and winked at her “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.”

 

Money. He had money. The Other Guy’s Christmas bonus, to be exact. A little ‘fuck you’ for when he gets back. Ben didn’t even feel sick for his satisfaction.

 

Rey scanned the menu. “What do you think I should get?”

 

Without even thinking, Ben responded. “I would suggest the lobster bisque. It’s superb.”

 

Rey’s mouth dropped open. “Benjamin Solo, do you have a secret double life that I don’t know about, where you eat at fancy restaurants and drive corvettes without me?”

 

Ben tried to hide his discomfort with a laugh.  _ You have no idea. _

 

“If I did, I would bring you the leftovers, sweetheart.”

 

Rey’s beamed at him and Ben thanked his quick tongue. “We can share it.” She lowered her voice once more and giggled. “It’s forty fucking dollars!”

 

Ben kissed her hand.

 

\------------------------------------

 

“-and then he takes the box straight out of my hands! Bloody hell, I’m pregnant, not disabled!”

 

Rey had just finished off the bisque before she had started telling the story of how Finn wouldn’t accept her help with his Christmas tree, and Ben was a bit distracted with the cleavage of her dress.

 

He gave himself a mental high five.  _ Nice pick, Ben.  _

 

He snapped back to attention. “And how long will it be until… Uh.” He gestured vaguely at her stomach and Rey smoothed her hand over it.

 

A smile tugged at her lips. “Any day now.”

 

Ben gulped. “Right.”

 

“I’m so excited to meet them.” The way Rey referred to their child as ‘them’ suggested that she didn’t know the gender either. “I hope they have your eyes.” Rey grinned. “And your ears.”

 

Ben groaned. “God, I pray to anyone listening that they don’t.”

 

“I like your ears.” Rey smiled fondly at him and Ben  _ melted. _

 

“I hope they have your little nose, and your freckles.” He caressed her cheek and cradled it with his hand. “and your ‘no shit’ attitude.

 

Rey kissed his palm and he continued. “And I hope they have your kind heart, and your courage. And I hope they see the good in everyone, like you do.”

 

Rey’s eyes began to water and she sniffled. “I love you so much, Ben.”

 

“I love you too, Rey.” The words rolled off his tongue like whiskey, and he found that he meant it. The truth was, he had never fallen  _ out of love _ with her.

 

“One thing I am glad they won’t have in common with you-“ Rey laughed with tears leaking down her face. “Is that they won’t be a Scorpio.”

 

Ben burst out laughing and Rey did too. “I love you to death but I could not handle another one. I mean, thank god!”

 

Ben looked at her, tears streaming down her beautiful face, adorned with that blinding smile he never thought he’d see again and thought,

 

_ Thank god, indeed. _

 

\------------------------------------

 

Just after Ben had paid the bill, a small smirk on his face all the while, and after helping Rey pull on her coat, they had begun walking back to the car. Abruptly, Rey stopped on the sidewalk and looked up at him, her eyes wide and innocent like a doe’s, the next words gracing her lips anything but.

 

“Can I suck you off in the corvette?”

 

Ben choked.

 

\------------------------------------

 

“Are- Are you sure? You really don’t have to.”

 

Rey was already on her knees in front of him, the passengers seat pushed all the way back so that she could fit snugly between his legs. It was tight, with Rey’s baby bump, but she made it work.

 

She blinked owlishly up at him. “Please, Ben? I want to make you feel good.”

 

He nodded so vigorously he nearly got whiplash.

 

Rey smiled coyly and began rubbing the bulge in his pants, moving slowly to the zipper, and undoing the buttons to his boxer shorts, removing him at an agonizingly slow pace. She re-asserted eye contact with him before planting sloppy kisses all the way down his shaft, and another on his balls, right before sucking them into her mouth.

 

Ben groaned. “Fuck-!”

 

As she was mouthing at his sac, her hand pumped up and down on his cock, his cockhead becoming slick with precome.

 

Once she had decided his balls were properly taken care of, Rey stuck her little tongue out and licked small stripes up the veins of his shaft, stopping at the top to lap up his spunk, her mouth slowly parting to fit to whole head in her mouth.

 

“ _ Fuck _ , sweetheart. You're being so good for me, sucking my cock like this. So pretty.”

 

Rey moaned and the vibrations made him buck up into her mouth like a domino effect, Rey gagging slightly.

 

Ben babbled. “So, so good for me. Such a good girl. You gonna drink up my cum like a good girl should?”

 

Rey nodded as much as she could with his dick in her mouth, and Ben brushed her hair back from her face as she took him in deeper.

 

Saliva ran down from the corners of her mouth, sinking deeper on him still, and when he hit the back of her throat, she swallowed.

 

His vision blacked out momentarily and before he knew it, he was coming down her throat in hot spurts, moaning about how good she did and how much she pleased him. 

 

He sat back in his seat, panting. “Fuck. That was amazing.”

 

Rey wiped off her mouth and grinned at him. “Now let’s get to the hotel so you can repay me.”

 

Ben was thinking the exact same thing.

 

\------------------------------------

 

As soon as they made it to the hotel, they were already tearing each other’s clothes off, pawing at every article they could find whilst never unlocking lips. Ben shuffled them towards the bed before Rey stopped and put a finger to his lips.

 

“Wait! I have one more anniversary present for you.”

 

He groaned, mouthing at her neck, and Rey giggled. “I’ll be five minutes, tops.”

 

Ben finally relented, releasing her from his hold, and Rey made her way to the bathroom with her purse. She stopped and winked at him in the doorway.

 

_ She’s going to be the death of me. _

 

\------------------------------------

 

And the death of him she was.

 

After what he assumed to be five minutes of sitting on the bed, waiting for her, Rey had anxiously slipped through the door, hands twisting in front of her. 

 

Wearing lingerie.

 

For him.

 

His jaw dropped open. “Christ.”

 

“Do you like it?”

 

‘It’ was a little red babydoll nightie, with a mesh gown that flowed perfectly over her bump, and a bow wrapped under her tits like a Christmas present.

 

Rey seemed to take his awed silence as a bad sign. “I can take it back if you don’t.” She looked down at her feet. “I don’t really know why I got it for you, it’s more for me-”

 

Before she had the chance to finish her sentence, Ben had taken her face into his hands and brought his lips down to hers in a long, bruising kiss. 

 

He panted against her mouth. “God, you are… the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

 

Rey smiled and turned a bright crimson, and Ben figured he’d like unwrapping the gift better than the gift itself, though it was a close second.

 

He moved his hands up under the fabric and palmed at her breasts, planting kisses over her face and neck, and Rey moaned, sinking her hands into his hair.

 

Ben squeezed her tits. “God I’ve missed this.”

 

Rey grinned. “It’s been five days, you insatiable man.”

 

For him it had been ten years. “Too long.”

 

Rey just smiled fondly at him and brought his lips down to nibble at them. Her large hazel eyes met his. “Convince me to do it more often, then.”

 

_ Challenge accepted. _

 

\------------------------------------

 

By the time Ben had laid her down on the bed, Rey was practically soaking through her lace panties. Ben snuck his hand under the waistline and dipped his fingers into the wetness he found there, trailing up to her clit.

 

Rey moaned. “Fuck, Ben. Please just-“

 

“Please what?” His thumb swirled at the bundle of nerves, and he smirked above her.

 

She whined. “Please just fuck me.”

 

He kissed up her neck and nibbled at her earlobe. “You sure?”

 

“I want to feel you inside of me.”

 

Don’t need to tell  _ him _ twice.

 

Ben carefully sat her up and slowly raised the dress of her head, the soft slip of silk whispering against her skin, leaving her bare breasts on display for him, fuller than he remembered. He took one in hand and sucked it into his mouth, massaging the other with his free palm. Rey keened.

 

He swirled his tongue around her areola before mouthing at the peak of her nipple, surprised when a small trickle of liquid leaked into his mouth.

 

Rey went rigid, and he caressed her breast, a silent reassurance. Her milk was warm and almost sweet, and he found that he _ really didn’t mind it.  _ Liked it, even. 

 

Ben carefully laid her back down, mouth never leaving her tit, and crawled on top of her, making quick work of his already half unbuttoned shirt, and shucking off his pants. He palmed his erection, hard and aching from just the sight of her, and moved in between her legs.

 

“You ready, sweetheart?”

 

Rey nodded enthusiastically. “Yes please.”

 

Ben stroked her cheek, smiling fondly at how her sweetness never subsided, and admiring the way she glowed. He moved over her, higher than usual to maneuver around her stomach, and positioned himself at her entrance, nibbling at her jaw. 

 

It was like sliding home in every sense of the phrase.

 

Ben moaned. “Fuck. Fuck! God, you’re so good. So good for me.”

 

Rey was panting heavily against his shoulder, squeezing like a vice around his cock, clenching hard every few seconds. He knew he needed to give her time to adjust, time for her to loosen around him and relax into the feeling, the fact familiar to him. Rey had long previously admitted what a tight fit it was for her, no matter how many times he made love to her, or how hard he fucked her.

 

**Every time is like the first time with you, Ben.**

 

He groaned at the memory.

 

Rey squeezed his bicep, huffing out a long exhale. “You can move now, Ben.”

 

“You sure, love?”

 

Rey nodded and blinked up at him, the picture of purity in a situation that was anything but, and Ben’s eyes almost rolled back into his head.

 

He moaned and dropped his head into the crux of her neck, leaving sloppy kisses as he rocked into her. 

 

Rey moved her hands up to his shoulders. “Ah-!”

 

Ben grabbed one of them and intertwined it with his own, kissing back up to her cheeks. “God, I love you like this.” He panted against her ear. “Round and glowing, so everyone knows you’re mine.”

 

His thrusts sped up and Rey gasped. 

 

“Say it.”

 

A hand tangled into her hair, and pulled her head back. “Say it, say you’re mine.”

 

Rey nodded vigorously. “Yes-! Yes! I’m yours!”

 

Ben thrust harder and growled. “You’re fucking-“  _ thrust, _ “ _ Mine! _ No one can have you but me.”

 

Rey keened, arching her back. “Yes! Only yours!”

 

He slipped a hand between them. “Tell me you love me.”

 

Rey nodded again, babbling with pleasure. “I love you so much, Ben. I love you more than anything. It’s always been you.”

 

He rubbed her clit harder, feeling himself getting closer to the edge. “Fuck, you’re so good for me, Rey. Such a good girl.” He kissed her with an equal fervor and murmured against her lips, “Come for me, sweetheart. Come on my cock.”

 

Rey bucked and keened against him, her moans muffled against his lips as she pulled him over the edge with her, convulsing around his cock; milking him.

 

Ben groaned loudly. “Fuck! I love you. I love you so much, Rey.”

 

He really did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben: these people are snobbish prats >:(  
> Also Ben: tHe LObsTeR BiSqUe iS SUPerb  
> okay king
> 
> Next chapter: the family dinner >:}

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and come visit my tumblr  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/angrysoftboi  
> i also made a tumblr specifically for my writing so go there too https://www.tumblr.com/blog/angrysoftboi-writes :)


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